Golf Jokes

[Gord]

Golf Joke #1

There's a fellow who is a golf fanatic. Every Saturday morning he has an
early tee off time. He gets up early and eager, golf's all day long,
sometimes 36 holes. Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet and goes to his car to drive to the course. Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph. He returns to the garage. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses and slips back into bed. There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers "The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies "Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing in that poo?"

Golf Joke #2

A lifelong golfer found himself without anyone to golf with one
Saturday morning. His wife spoke up, "You know, I've always wanted to
try golfing with you." So he invited her along.

On the first tee, he hit a shot that hooked left and landed in front of
a maintenance garage for the groundskeeper. He was about to chip back
onto the fairway when his wife spoke up. "Honey," she said, "Can't you
just open these doors herre, open the doors at the other end of the
garage, and hit straight through to the pin?"

He agreed that this would be a much better idea than taking a penalty
or wasting a shot back to the fairway, so he opened the doors at both
ends of the garage and lined up to take his shot. He still wanted to
impress his wife with what a good golfer he was, so he took particular
care on his backswing and hit the ball as hard as he could.

He creamed the shot. The ball hit the garage door jamb and bounced
back nearly as hard as he had hit it, straight back at his wife.
Before she had time to duck or move, the ball hit her square in the
middle of her forehead, killing her instantly. Naturally, the man was
very upset.

Weeks later, after the funeral and a decent period of mourning, some
friends from out of town came by to get him out of the house and go
golfing. They went to the same course. Incredibly, the man's first
shot off the tee landed right where his last opening tee shot had
landed, right in front of the maintenance garage.

His partner suggested that they open both sets of garage doors and that
he play the ball through the garage instead of wasting a short chip to
the fairway. "No," he said, sadly, "I can't do that. I guess you
didn't hear about what happened last time I tried that." His partner
and friends together admitted that they didn't know about his history
on this hole. "Well," he said, "Last time I tried that shot on this
hole, I took a SEVEN!"