Well, Jonothan...
You do have a point. Americans can mangle the English language as well as anyone...
But then again, over here in the USA a "Bag" (rhymes with bag, but begins with an "F" - gotta' get past the 'net nanny) is not something most normal American males would want to smoke...
I'm from Texas, and we have some twists on English that you might enjoy... Like:
1. The engine's runnin' but ain't nobody driving (Meaning = Not overly-intelligent)
2. As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party (self-explanatory)
3. Tighter than bark on a tree (Meaning = Not very generous)
4. Big hat, no cattle (Meaning = All talk and no action)
5. We've howdied but we ain't shook yet (Meaning = We've made a brief acquaintance, but not been formally introduced)
6. He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow (Meaning = He has a pretty high opinion of himself)
7. She's got tongue enough for 10 rows of teeth (Meaning = That woman can talk)
8. It's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs (Meaning = We really could use a little rain around here)
9. Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly (Meaning = Appearances can be deceptive.)
10. This ain't my first rodeo (Meaning = I've been around awhile.)
11. He looks like the dog's been keepin' him under the porch (Meaning = Not the most handsome of men)
12. They ate supper before they said grace (Meaning = Living in sin)
13. Time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope (Meaning = Stop arguing and do as you're told)
14. As full of wind as a corn-eating horse (Meaning = Rather prone to boasting)
15. You can put your boots in the oven, but that doesn't make them biscuits ( meaning = You can say whatever you want about something, but that doesn't change what it is.)
16.) The lights are on buy nobody's home. (Meaning = Not Overly-Intelligent)
17. Yankees are kinda like hemoroids, they're not too bad when they come down and go back up, but they're a real pain in the butt when they come down and stay. (self explanatory)
18.) She's had more hands on her than a doorknob. (Meaning = Promiscuous woman)
And many, many others...
But yet you Brits have a few to answer for, eh?
Over here, we put our foot in a boot... You put your luggage in it. Our luggage goes in the trunk.
Over here, a woman wears a bonnet on her head... You stuff an engine up under one. Our engines go under a hood. Of course, our heads go under hoods sometimes, too... and certain ethnic groups live in 'hoods.
You stand in a queue, whereas we stand in a line. We do play pool, or billiards, with a cue, however.
To you, a bat is a flattened wooden club, whereas to us it's a round wooden club.
Cricket is a noisy little creature we often step on, but to you it is a national pastime that takes days to play and makes no sense...
Football is football to us, but to you it's soccer.
Over here we have trucks, whereas you have lorries.
A bender to you is a "Bag" (susbstitute "F" for "B" in bag, please) to us. A bender to us is when you Brits get pissed. When we get pissed we are far from happy.
Something bent over here is just that - bent. Bent to you is someone light in his loafers.
And how on Earth did you come to call one of the most beautiful parts of a woman's bady "Bristols"???
Of course, we both have some of the same oddities...
Like parking on a driveway, yet driving on a parkway.
Or when something travels by ship, it's cargo... Yet when it travels by truck (or lorry), it's a shipment.
Language is a funny, odd beast...
Cheers!
Dallara
)
..even at Maca's down under they ask..do yo want fries with your order...I say..chips..you mean chips...no thanks... 
