A & S Takes Over BMW

[ScooterCop]

Nation’s Leading North American BMW Motorcycle Dealer Acquires parent company BMW Group’s Motorcycle Division in Stunning Leveraged Buyout!

Roseville, California, 4/1/2007 —

A move sure to stun the BMW Motorcycle community as well as the wider financial markets, A&S BMW Motorcycles ,the leading BMW Motorcycle dealer in the USA, has announced the completion of an extraordinary leveraged buyout sure to rock the motorcycle world!

“Plans came together in complete secrecy which is unusual for a deal of this size, and to be honest, this unconventional” BMW Group’s spokeswoman April Dummköpfe commented. “Reaction is sure to be mixed but this move makes the most sense for both BMW Group’s shareholders as well as our family of motorcycle riders.”

Industry experts almost universally agree that this deal makes an extraordinary amount of sense. Long-believed to be the single most impressive BMW Motorcycle dealership in the world from both a physical dealership standpoint, as well as a leader in the online sale of parts and accessories for BMW Motorcycles. “Focus on customer satisfaction as well as a strong passion for the BMW Motorcycle image lead us to believe that since they are so good at what they do, they should just be calling the shots when it comes to running the entire show” continued Ms. Dummköpfe.

Outgoing BMW management commented that they are positive that A&S will do an amazing job helming the BMW Motorcycle organization. Ongoing design, development, manufacturing, and distribution will now be handled out of the Roseville CA headquarters of A&S BMW Motorcycles. “Legions of BMW Motorcycle Fanatics will be pleasantly surprised by what we’ve got up our sleeves” commented A&S BMW Motorcycles owner Randy Felice. “Surprise is an understatement!” commented one senior industry analyst.

Exact financial details of the deal remain confidential, but the participants wish to point out the significance of the date of the announcement.

More details are available at http://www.ascycles.com/ april_1st_announcement.aspx

A&S BMW Motorcycles is one of the largest BMW motorcycle dealers in the nation with over 30 years of experience in business. Their new and upscale facility has over 17,000 square feet of dealership space to provide customers the best service and comfort available.

For more information, contact A&S at (916) 726-7334 / http://www.ascycles.com.

APRIL'S FOOLS???

[OU812]

This part really made me think, yes."Ms. Dummköpfe."

[R4R&R]

Yeah, some dealers usually have an April Fools joke. Bob's BMW has this one:

Announcing: The End of an Era!
— April 1, 2007

Bob Henig, owner of Bob’s BMW, a veritable national landmark among prestigious BMW Motorcycle dealerships, announced publicly today that he has decided to drop the German brand that carried him to fame. In its place, Henig’s company will embrace Harley-Davidson as the marquee which will carry it into the future.

Asked what led him to this abrupt and startling turnabout, Mr. Henig stated, “I’m just really tired of ‘superior engineering’ and ‘precision craftsmanship’ and ‘dependable performance’ and all those other pathetic phrases that they trot out year after year just hoping to reassure all the poor, insecure, desk job suckers who buy the things that their wives won’t divorce them as long as they choose a nice, safe, quiet motorcycle to ride. Gimme a break! Think about it …ABS? It ought to stand for Always Be Sensible… or Anything But Sexy! I mean can you possibly imagine anything more B O R I N G?”

The fact that Bob Henig could ever say these words would strike most in the BMW community as nothing short of blasphemy! Henig and the company he built have long been regarded as steadfast pillars of devotion to the Teutonic two-wheelers. Since 1981, Bob’s was one of the very few motorcycle businesses nationwide to remain exclusively in league with just one brand — BMW. Furthermore, Mr. Henig always made it a point to explain to anyone who would listen that it wasn’t just about business, that his “heart and soul” were somehow permanently linked to these German machines and their honorable heritage. Clearly, there must be more than simple soul searching or a casual change of heart behind this momentous decision.

Bob’s sales manager Ashton Menefee volunteered to shed some light on this phenomenon. “I think it all started when Bob was at the national BMW Sales Training Seminar a couple months ago,” he said. “They kept telling us that the traditional BMW riders were growing too old and that new directions must be taken to assure a future for the company.” Ashton went on, “Bob slipped into a kind of a funk after that, like maybe he took it all too personally. I remember he barely said a word on the plane coming back from the seminar — and that’s really not like Bob.” Mr. Menefee then leaned in closer to us and whispered, “Then he started spending every night after work down at a local biker bar called Daniels, where a pretty rough chopper crowd hangs out. A couple weeks went by like this, and then he just disappeared … gone! Bob’s a guy who lives by his watch and his calendar and he always tells everybody where he’s going and what he’s doing. For him to just vanish like that? … we knew something was really wrong.”

Does anyone know what happened to Bob over the course of the five days he was missing? If so, no one is saying. Bob must certainly know, but he’s apparently not willing to tell the whole story. However, thanks to the many eye witnesses who’ve stepped forward to testify, this much is known: On the day Bob rolled back into the dealership, he was obviously avery changed man. Astride a very loud, chopped Harley-Davidson, riding without a helmet, sporting some fresh tattoos, and wearing chaps, yes — CHAPS, Bob arrived amidst the smoke and thunderous roar of another seven or eight similarly attired guys riding along side on Harleys. Dismounting, then crossing the parking lot toward the door with a slow swagger that seemed unfamiliar to those who knew him before, Bob swung open the door and announced to all the employees and a few shocked customers present at the time that he was through with BMW. “That’s it. It’s OVER!” he proclaimed. He said he had torn up his dealer agreement, and that some tractor trailers would be arriving shortly to pick up the entire BMW inventory and take it back to New Jersey. Then he said that Harley-Davidson signs would be going up on the building, and that “from now on, a new brand and a new way of life would prevail here,” and that if anybody was unwilling to go along with these changes they were welcome to leave quietly — no hard feelings, of course.

Sure enough, these changes have come to pass. And now that Bob has made the official public announcement about Bob’s Harley-Davidson, and the showroom is full of gleaming chrome, a whole new attitude has permeated the building. Where once customers and sales people stood and spoke politely of fuel economy, GPS, safe tire tread depth, and protective apparel made from the latest breathable textiles, now a decidedly more rag tag crowd, many swigging from long-neck beer bottles, stands jovially discussing the unforgettable wild party on the last night of Daytona, or who is bringing the beer to the next ABATE meeting, or the particular physical attributes of the new waitress at Daniels, not to mention the countless other uncensored tales from the back bedrooms of the roadhouses all along the way from here to Sturgis.

Bob’s old BMW customers are, of course, still welcome to drop in anytime. This is a free country and we’re all fellow motorcyclists here, no matter how we choose to dress. But be forewarned, this place — and especially Bob himself — are different. VERY different.

Bob's Harley-Davidson 2007

Link to the original webpage.