I'm bored...Let's get the French!

[darthrider]

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these
drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by
prostitutes." Mark Twain.



"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one
behind me." General George S. Patton.



"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your
accordion." Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.



"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." Marge Simpson



"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
Jacques Chirac, President of France.
"As far as France is concerned, you're right." Rush
Limbaugh,



"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is
sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
Regis Philbin.



"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't know."
P.J. O'Rourke (1989).



"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the
1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the
face for it."
John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona.



"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people."
Conan O'Brien



"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either"
Jay Leno.



"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
David Letterman



Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada. Ted Nugent.



War without France would be like ... uh .. World War II.



"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says
'First Iraq, then France.'"
Tom Brokaw.



"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its
national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?"
Dennis Miller.



"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when
they needed us."
Alan Kent



"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an
attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a
three-day supply of mistresses in the house."
Argus Hamilton



"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being
advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot.
Dropped once.'"
Rep. Roy Blunt (MO)



"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found
truffles in Iraq."
Dennis Miller



Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if you are
French.



Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?



"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried."
Rep. R. Blount (MO)



"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining."
John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.



The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the
London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide.
The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed
France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.



French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney

(AP), Paris, March 5, 2003

The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly
fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris,
caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

[tipstall]

darthrider,

Nice, the last was great being current.

[DJ Downunder]

Good one Dave.

The year they were testing atomic bombs in the Pacific Ocean we had this great Merimbula Mambo T shirt with a pic of Jacques Chirac and the words...

'Don't sh*t in our nest'...

How rude was that...doing their dirty work in someone elses back yard..



That's my main grudge with them...

DJ

[Lance1150]

...hear this: If a post results in name calling, people's feelings getting hurt, or it is obviously inappropriate in its content, we will not only be erasing the entire post, but we will take actions to start banning people if they are not acting in an appropriate manner. We are all treated equal here...

Them's Doug's words/policy/warning/threat.....

Look out... I KNOW some Frenchman is offended!


P.S. For the record, the French are NOT created equal... they are missing several important pieces.

[darthrider]

Look out... I KNOW some Frenchman is offended!

I certainly hope so!

[Guest]

The 2 main grudges I have against the French is
1) the assistance they gave to the United States during the war of Independence.
2) selingl Louisiana for a pittance was another disastrous policy.

Without French assistance it is unlikely that the USA would have become a continental power. If the French had not been so stupid then North America could well have turned out to be a patchwork of small disunited nation states just like South America.

Glad to see you are all so grateful to France.

[dallara]

Yeah, but...

That was over two-hundred years ago, Guest.

What the hell has France done for anybody, anywhere, but themselves lately?

And let us not forget, France was not the least bit interested in the United States becoming a "continental power"... They were just interested in jacking the British around any way they could.

Sheese... Grateful to France... France ought to be grateful Americans are still naive enough to buy ------- wine from them!

Dallara

[Gord]

Darth - Great post and oh so true.

It is a great post. World War 1, World War 2, and Vietnam have shown that the French are always fighting one war behind everybody else. And that if the rest of the world did not bail them out, France would be very different than it is today.

But as for "oh so true", not quite. The quote attributed to Rumsfeld about the accordion has also been attributed to General Schwarzkopf. But neither said it. Check here: http://www.snopes.com/quotes/babbin.htm

I'm too lazy to check the veracity of the other quotes. But then who cares anyway? They are a fun read.

[Est51]

"What the hell has France done for anybody, anywhere, but themselves lately?"

Mmmm! That reminds me of another country.

"World War 1, World War 2, and Vietnam have shown that the French are always fighting one war behind everybody else"

I think you'll find that France was in each of these wars before "another country".

"How rude was that...doing their dirty work in someone elses back yard.. "

You're right DJ, that was an outrageous thing to do, just like "another country" I could bring to mind.

I used to think just like you guys. Having never been there at the time and never having met a French person I just followed the lead of my dad and disliked the French 'cause he did. Then my missus won a gourmet weekend to Normandy and I was "forced" [reluctantly] to go with her. Amazing revelation - they are very welcoming people, have fantastic food, fantastic wine, cheap houses, a much more civilised lifestyle, etc, etc, etc. Since that first trip, we've been back lots of times and it just gets better and better. I'm told the people of Paris aren't very welcoming but then I wouldn't want all the English judged by the people of London either [and I've never been to Paris, so I can't tell if the tales are true].

French domestic and foriegn policy is very self-centred but then isn't Britains [and the USA's]? It'd be a bit strange if that wasn't the case.

[Gord]

"World War 1, World War 2, and Vietnam have shown that the French are always fighting one war behind everybody else"

I think you'll find that France was in each of these wars before "another country".

True. But that was not my point.

My point was that the French military doctrine entering WW1 was expecting another Franco-Prussian war. The Germans and British were far more progressive in their military doctrine.

The French military doctrine entering WW2 was to fight in place as if they expected another WW1. Their military philosophy viz-a-viz the tank and mechanized warfare was far behind that of the Germans and even Percy Hobart of the British army.

And the French response to the Viet Minh was to send in tanks. As if they were expecting a blitzkrieg. And when they realized the type of warfare they were in, they resorted to static warfare doctrine. Clearly they failed to learn from the experience and approach of Orde Wingate and the Chindits (or the US Merrill's Marauders) of WW2.

Other countries have historically demonstrated a far more imaginative, flexible and proactive approach to military doctrine than the French. So we shouldn't be surprised that they do not realize what is happening with Al Qaeda is simply the next evolution in warfare and not just some isolated band of disgruntled folks who hate the west.

[Biff's R]

Excellent post Gord.

[darthrider]

Biff said:

Excellent post Gord.

Damn straight!

[Brooksie]

I whole heartedly agree with Ted Nugent! cool post...

[wncbmw]

Good posts darthrider and Gord! Enjoyed them both!

And you have to go back 200 years to find something to be grateful to the French for! I think the graves of Americans on France soil from WW1 and WW2 are sufficent repayment.